bring on the shoe throwers

February 3rd, 2009

Now, there’s one thing I agree totally with in Jim’s post:

World’s Stupidest Protester Returns to Primary School
Wants to try to get it right the second time around.

Yup. Absolutely.

But there’s an aspect I disagree with. See, I think this world should move to a system of solving international disputes through shoe-dodging competitions. Yes, absolutely. It would, of course, be dangerous- well, for world leaders, at least. It would also require the expense of training large numbers of fit, strong, young men and women in the art of throwing shoes. But that could be arranged.

In fact, I think the UN should organise a team of shoe-throwers, to be called, in the UN’s long tradition of convoluted acronyms, UNSHOTHROTE- United Nations Shoe Throwing Team.

And all national and world leaders should be informed that in order to have their way on the global stage, they will have to learn to dodge shoes flying at high velocities.

The two problems are, of course, that:

  1. The man Obama replaced set a very high standard of shoe-dodging gongfu; and
  2. Munatadar al-Zaidi set an equally high standard of shoe-throwing accuracy and velocity. Damn, had those two shoes been thrown at any lesser a shoe-dodger, America would’ve had to deal with its first presidential assassination since 1963.

Therefore I nominate al-Zaidi for first general secretary and chief trainer of UNSHOTHROTE and the man Obama replaced as inaugural trainer of shoe-dodgers.

This is, of course, an entirely serious proposal, and I trust that Ban Ki Moon will set up a work committee to study its implementation. After all, the best solution to solving such disputes as the continued division of the Korean peninsula or Darfur is to have the relevant leaders stand on either side of the “border” or “boundary” and throw shoes at each other. They can settle it the old Navy way: First one to die, loses.

5 Responses to “bring on the shoe throwers”

  1. Nick Says:

    So long as the Dutch don’t through clogs. I think a good slap upside the face with a sweaty jandal would do the trick ;-)

  2. Nick Says:

    ugh.. commenting drunk.. excuse typos.. time for bed.

  3. wangbo Says:

    I think clogs should be reserved for the really serious disputes. Clogs are the nuclear option of shoe throwing.

  4. Arctosia Says:

    I’m quite worried that in a very near future we will be required to take our smelly shoes off before we are allowed to go in the room.

    BTW, I would also like to stress on the issue of accuracy. Like one commenter in my blog said, if western people, in particular a postgrad student from Cambridge, who is in many’s opinion, suppose to be society’s elite, cannot even throw a shoe right, no wonder why western power faded so fast.

  5. wangbo Says:

    Arctosia, no idea why you got held up for moderation. Sorry.

    And you’re quite right on both counts, especially on the accuracy of this particular shoe-thrower.