February 3rd, 2009
Now, there’s one thing I agree totally with in Jim’s post:
World’s Stupidest Protester Returns to Primary School
Wants to try to get it right the second time around.
But there’s an aspect I disagree with. See, I think this world should move to a system of solving international disputes through shoe-dodging competitions. Yes, absolutely. It would, of course, be dangerous- well, for world leaders, at least. It would also require the expense of training large numbers of fit, strong, young men and women in the art of throwing shoes. But that could be arranged.
In fact, I think the UN should organise a team of shoe-throwers, to be called, in the UN’s long tradition of convoluted acronyms, UNSHOTHROTE- United Nations Shoe Throwing Team.
And all national and world leaders should be informed that in order to have their way on the global stage, they will have to learn to dodge shoes flying at high velocities.
The two problems are, of course, that:
- The man Obama replaced set a very high standard of shoe-dodging gongfu; and
- Munatadar al-Zaidi set an equally high standard of shoe-throwing accuracy and velocity. Damn, had those two shoes been thrown at any lesser a shoe-dodger, America would’ve had to deal with its first presidential assassination since 1963.
Therefore I nominate al-Zaidi for first general secretary and chief trainer of UNSHOTHROTE and the man Obama replaced as inaugural trainer of shoe-dodgers.
This is, of course, an entirely serious proposal, and I trust that Ban Ki Moon will set up a work committee to study its implementation. After all, the best solution to solving such disputes as the continued division of the Korean peninsula or Darfur is to have the relevant leaders stand on either side of the “border” or “boundary” and throw shoes at each other. They can settle it the old Navy way: First one to die, loses.